As my violin gently weeps...

My mom wants me to go to church with her when I move in, I’m HIGHLY uncomfortable with this for many reasons. One of which is the fact that EVERYONE there will assume i’m christian, and yes I have a problem with this, because being pagan is such a big and important part of me, I could no more deny it than I could cut off my own arm, and being assumed otherwise… irks me.  I also don’t want any backlash to fall onto my Momma when I inevitable end up snapping at some ignorant christian fuck-head (because this church is in kentucky and I know better than to expect everyone to be wonderful accepting people like my mom because shit like that just doesn’t happen) and “outing” myself as it were (not that i’ll be hiding, since I WILL NOT remove my pentacle, no way, no how, fuck no).  She wants me to go since being christian is important to her and she wants me to “understand it”.

Uhm, Mom, Hellooooooooo, how many times have I been to church? Expecially when we went to the Sanctuary? How often was it ME convincing you god was there and real? I FUCKING GET THAT YOU”RE CHRISTIAN NOW STOP IT DAMNIT!  I’m not asking you to help me with my rituals, or anything even remotely like that, and I really don’t appreciate you trying to put this whole christianity thing on me, because damnit mom i’m happy and at peace in a way I NEVER was as a christian. I’m not spending nights awake and terrified. I don’t want to do that again, I don’t want to sit for hours of my life that i’ll never get back being preached at about something that i’ll a.) Find offencive in some way shape or form, b.) just straight up don’t believe, and c.) couldn’t support if I tried.  I get it, trust me I do, I really really do, but i’m not comfortable going to church with you, or to the underground, or anything like that.  I love you dearly, but it would put pressure and strain on me, and I want my moving in to be as unstressful and not-bumpy as can be, and having to wake up early on a sunday, a day I like to use to prepare for the week ahead and totally relax, and deal with church and everything that could happen cause i’m out… I can’t.

Same reason i’ve shot down applying for the catholic schools in the area, I’d end up flipping a desk over and screaming, and not just over religion but my stance on abortion and politics and sex and just fucking LIFE, you KNOW me and you KNOW this, and that whole “better academics” thing? Really? YOU KNOW ME, that suggestion had NOTHING to do with academics or Irony mom, I get that it won’t be easy for you but damn it. Sending me to a catholic school? In Kentucky? talk about throwing me to the wolves. Fuck mom, I feel betrayed, I expected you to be like you always have, accepting and everything, but this church and catholic school… Can’t you just be happy that i’m finally at peace and that I finally belong, I don’t feel weird or anything, because it’s just RIGHT, it FITS.

TL:DR - Rant over religion and going to church with my mother because FUCK I just CAN”T do it.